I experienced it

For the first time I experienced it; I experienced the practical meaning of what the writer or last canonic editor of the biblic book of Corinthians meant by 'gaining nil in being lovelessly poured away like libation'. (1?? Corinthians 13:??)

I had doubted, even openly question'd the possibility of expending oneself for other people and not be loving those others. For a long time. But some necessity to enter and re-enter Nigeria, and to spend length periods (13 days to a dozen weeks at a time) in it since early 2011 has answered me.

I 'm always aware of the sinister possibility of getting nigerianized in this large society where the operative "acquired" instinct is "Survival of the sneakiest". To start a character of "godfully" making promises that, ab initio, I have no intention of fulfilling; and of zealously preaching what I do not believe. Well, not yet; probably n-ever!

I don't take pride in any religion(s) [especially the institutionalized ones]. But I revere the 'recorded' prophets: for their "cleverness" or providential foresight. And I even have some admiration for people who still gather enough conviction, or courage, or illusion...to publicly preach conventional religion conventionally.
But I know that whom I cannot trust, I usually don't love well.

The 'masaukin baƙi' (guest houses) are always full of people who punctuate every word they speak with the name of the Holy god. Even those who openly admit membership of the violent jihadist groups of Nigeria: alias ɓoko-hɛrɛm, tho' their colleagues do warn them to be quiet on that...
But with almost all, one can't engage in any transaction and not get made a dupe of at any point where extra trust is involved; and this with abrasive, inflated ego...

Although I give of myself to'em in ways I hadn't thought I could-- we are a community--I'm almost sure I don't love them more than that. And if I do, I don't feel it; just cold performances by which to get by.